Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Eric Clapton ... Clapton Consultants?!

Right, this might be a bit confusing. I've got two PR emails to deal with, to make sense of, and - 'I'm already confused, me!' Shut up, Voice! For fuck's sake!

Eric Clapton? I don't know where to start. 'Just quote the stuff, boss.' All right. Our Eric says: The pension changes have presented professional advisers with either a major challenge or a major opportunity, depending on how they have adapted themselves to the new flexibilities afforded to clients. I have launched Clapton Consultants with the aim of helping small accountancy firms and IFAs navigate their way through the challenges in today's market by expanding and diversifying their offering as much as possible to meet with current demand.

WTF?! I'll say it again ... WTF?!?! / Eric, son, what are you doing?! What is this all about?! 'It's insane, Mikey! Why can't our Eric stick to blues-based rock guitar? That's what he's good at.' Shut up, Voice! I'm trying to think here.

Obviously, our Eric has lost his mind. 'Ha!' I'm almost ... speechless. Almost. 'There's more, boss. Some bird called Cathy.' What?! 'See if you can dig this: We are absolutely delighted that Eric has taken on the role of Chairman with Greenstone. He has a wealth of experience both in terms of managing successful businesses and working closely with the Regulator and other professionals. [?!] Eric's guidance will undoubtedly prove invaluable to us as we continue to develop relationships with accountants and to pursue our vision of building a business which provides insightful and strategic, highly personalised financial advice to clients.' Christ! 'What is Greenstone, man?' I don't know, man. But I tell you, I don't dig it. I don't dig any of it!

Let's move on. Er ... the other email. Private equity specialist Calculus Capital has made a multi-million-pound investment in Bedford-based Mologic, a developer of cutting-edge point-of-care diagnostic devices that help patients manage their own conditions. The £3m investment aims to enable Mologic to commercialise innovative medical diagnostic technology, carry out clinical trials and obtain CE Mark regulatory approval (denoting compliance with European Union standards) and other regulatory approvals as needed in international markets beyond the EU, to take products to market.

Well, well ... I just, I'm sorry, dear reader(s), I'm still trying to get my head around the great Eric Clapton making the move into accountancy.

Ah, that's enough!!!


Music? 'Music!' Yeah, give me a moment ... / Oh, I'm going to put some Clapton on BECAUSE(!) ... I want to remember him the way he was, you know? 'Such a shame ...' The Beano album. On low though. I'm listening out for a delivery.