Thursday, 1 October 2015

Simon Jagger has been hired by Barings Bank

Oh my God! Not another one! Poor Mr Jagger! 'It's a tragedy, boss!' Yes, Voice. / Oh God!!! Who's doing this? Who's pretending to hire people on behalf of Barings Bank? 'Ha! A bank that went out of business in 1995. Why do they fall for it?' I don't know. I suppose people believe what they want to believe. Mr Jagger, I mean, our Simon, must have been desperate to escape Schroders. 'But why?! Schroders is a good firm.' Schroders is a good firm, Voice. But they have a massive workload, you know, managing their own funds as well as ... all the Aviva Investors funds, those wasters. 'Yeah.' The stress has done Simon's head in. It's the only explanation. 'Have you heard of Rod Aldridge, boss?' No. Who is he? 'I think he might be one of the grifters.' Really? 'He's released a statement, welcoming Simon Jagger to Barings Bank.' Ha! The nerve of the guy! 'He reckons Simon's appointment is a clear indication of Barings' commitment to ... I don't know, something or other.' Christ! Heartless! Absolutely heartless! How does this Rod Aldridge sleep at night?!

Well, well ... I'm going to do it again. 'Go on!' / Let me say it one more time for those of you who find it hard to comprehend: THERE IS NO BARINGS BANK. All right? Haven't you ever heard of Nick Leeson? Barings Bank collapsed in 1995, for Christ's sake!

Jesus H. Christ! I'm worn out with this! / 'Will that do it?' I hope so. 'Maybe you should write a conceptual.' No. 354, you mean? 'Yeah. Something about Barings. Just spin it a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... There is no Barings Bank! Get the message in these fucking idiots' heads.' Okay, I will. Thanks, Voice. That's a good idea. After lunch ...

Lunch? Er, cheese ploughman's sandwich. A bit of a change. 'What's that?' Just cheese, and lettuce, and ... 'So, cheese and lettuce sandwich, yeah?' They call it "Ploughman's", the petrol station. There's pickle as well. 'Oh, great!' Don't make a federal production out of it, man.