Thursday, 3 January 2008

Drake Management: Global Opportunities fund withdrawals

Deranged, crazy, mental investors have been withdrawing their money - $1 billion earlier this week - from Drake Management's top hedge fund Global Opportunities. Why? What the fuck is wrong with these nutballs? Sometimes I despair, I really do.

The Global Opportunities fund is a brilliant fund. It has been falling lately, but I'm sure it will recover. I'm very friendly with some of the people at Drake Management and I want to help them out. I have just spent a good part of the morning perusing Magnus's Book of Money Curses, and I have found a curse that can be directed towards troublesome investors. I've modernized the language a bit, but without spoiling the charm of the original. It goes -

O you fools, you unbelievers, you will burn in the fires of hell! Why did you withdraw your money? Are you afraid? The wise investor makes fear his friend. O you cowards! O you dogs! You shall pay for this. Pay with your souls! And the souls of your children! Go down, down into the pit. Down into the pit! Down! I want to see you no more.