Monday, 9 August 2010

Cedric Bucher: new ways, new answers

We are all familiar with Cedric Bucher. We have heard his name whispered on winter nights. We have even heard it on summer mornings. It is a name that floats around in the air like certain funds. We are not always aware of it, but it rarely leaves us. And just a whisper from a ghost can set us off. And, of course, we have heard the stories. We know the story of how Cedric fought the rolling heads that came after him at Barclays Wealth, thirsty for his blood. We know the story of how the short duration floating rate notes funds haunted him at night until sleep was impossible. But now there is a new story of new ways and new answers. Cedric Bucher is joining SEI as director of client investment strategy. Mark Rockliffe says Mr Bucher will contribute greatly to their existing investment proposition and portfolio strategy, and maybe that’s true, but there must be something else. Something that we are not privy to.

New ways? New answers? I am not convinced. Does anyone know what these ways and answers are? Is there a new way to money? I find it hard to imagine. There is my way or the highway. Can anyone answer a question that has not been asked? I am the only one who asks questions in the desert of our love, and I have not asked any questions - not lately. O my children, there are no new ways, there are no new answers. We are being deceived. Cedric Bucher is being deceived. I suspect that Mark Rockliffe is preparing an evil future for Mr Bucher. The new ways are the old ways of Satan. And the new answers come from the foul mouth of Jack Pickles. These ways will destroy us, if we are weak. And no one wanted these answers. No one questioned Jack Pickles about anything. Yet he has the demonic arrogance to supply us with answers. The man is an abomination!

They must think we're pretty stupid. Can you hear laughter coming from the bowels of hell? Well, we shall have the last laugh. Follow me, children. I am the only way. I am the only answer.

Note: I am the way to money, and money is the way to ...