Monday, 16 August 2010

Neil Woodford says shareholders should speak up

Yes, large institutional shareholders must speak up, unless they want to be ignored by the boards of companies. As you know, dear reader, Neil Woodford is head of investment at Invesco Perpetual, and one of my old students. He always used to speak up.

I remember the desert. I remember all the questions Neil would ask me.

Master, why do I feel so lonely? My child, haven't you asked this question before? I'm getting a deja vu vibe over here, man.

But I feel so lonely in the night, and in the day, Master. My child, loneliness is the way of the shaman. How many more times? The desert is testing you. The gods of the desert are testing you. One day, the desert will love you, and the gods will love you, and your loneliness will pass; or, at least, you will not worry about it so much.

What about the ghosts of the dead financiers? Will they love me? That's a good question. As a rule, they don't have much time for whiny little fucks. But it's hard to say. You will really have to prove yourself if you want their love.

O Master, how can I prove myself, to be worthy of their love? Christ! You ask some questions, don't you? Er ... you could venture down to the lower levels of the astral plane and engage Jack's demons in combat, or even Jack himself.

Jack Pickles? Yes, Jack Pickles.

But he's an evil man! He will - He will tear you limb from limb. He will pull your head off and use it as a football. He's the wickedest man who has ever lived. Makes Aleister Crowley look like a big girl's blouse. But if you can give him a bloody nose, the ghosts will love you for it.

But what if I am killed, O Master?! Then the dead financiers will always honour your memory.

O Master, I'm not sure I'm cut out for this lifestyle. Maybe you should take that job at Invesco Perpetual.

Will I really work there one day, as head of investment? My child, it is your destiny. It is written. But remember, you will always be welcome in the desert of our love. And you should always carry the burning within you, wherever you go.

O Master, I will. The burning is so intense. My child, it is nearly time. Invesco Perpetual! Invesco Perpetual! Invesco Perpetual! Say it! Scream it!

Invesco Perpetual! Invesco Perpetual! Invesco Perpetual! Oh, the burning! Out of control! Wild flames! Aaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh!