Monday, 10 May 2010

Global Infrastructure Partners wants to raise $5-$6 billion for a new fund

Good luck. Yeah, good luck, Global Infrastructure Partners. You're going to need it. Why do I say that?

I'm not suggesting you won't get the money. You probably will. But I have just had a look at your website. The 'Our Team' section. Joseph Blum is a partner. I had no idea. Has long has he been with you?

This is what you say about him: 'Joe joined GIP from Latham & Watkins, where he was a partner and head of the London office's Project Development and Finance Group. He has extensive experience in representing sponsors and financial institutions in all aspects of cross-border project development and financings, as well as joint ventures and privatizations in the energy, transport and water sectors. Joe is a specialist in structuring complex project finance transactions involving multiple groups and types of credit providers.'

But that's not the whole story, is it?

I happen to know that Joe is a long-time associate of the world's most demonic financier. Yes, Global Infrastructure Partners, you know whom I'm referring to. The evil, evil, evil Mr Jack Pickles.

Oh no!

Yes! Obviously, Jack will get his grubby little hands on this money. O Global Infrastructure Partners, listen to me! You will not see any of this money. It does not matter how much you manage to raise. $5 billion? $6 billion? Go for $10 billion if you must. All of it will go into the burning pit and be reduced to ashes! That's what Jack does with money. It's not a burning like the burning you get with me. I am a shaman. The money burns forever. But Jack destroys the money. Oh, I guess he doesn't mean to. But it's his nature. He can only destroy. He is the destroyer of mystical love!

You must get rid of Joseph Blum. Pay him off. Say you haven't got any work for him. Put him on gardening leave. Bury him in the fucking garden! That's my advice. Just get rid of him! Or you will end up in the burning pit with your money. He'll drag you down. Down, down, down. Endless night! The pain with Joe. The terror with Jack. The demons with their baleful eyes. 'Baleful' is the only word for their eyes, believe me. And Satan. And the lot of you! Is that what you want?