Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Paul Lattanzio: president for life at Star Avenue Capital

Private equity and astral plane veteran Paul Lattanzio has been made president for life at Star Avenue Capital. I've never heard of Star Avenue before, but apparently it is a consumer growth equity vehicle. Well, thank God for that! It could have been so much worse. The firm rose from the ashes of Irving Place Capital and Creative Artists Agency. No, it didn't. I lied. Those two firms are alive and well. It's a partnership.

Speaking to no one in particular, Mr Lattanzio said: 'Having been in the private equity business for decades and successfully applying an eccentric private equity model to help high-growth companies reach their full potential, it is a cosmic thrill, and a wild, burning rash, indeed, a rush, and an astral gas, to be part of such a differentiated and innovative offering that Star is pioneering - beyond the stars! From licensing, marketing, wandering, burning, lifestyle and research expertise, to CAA's influence in and centrality to popular culture, the opportunities are limitless for the ways in which Star can help our portfolio companies. Additionally, I am extremely excited to be back in partnership with those crazies at Irving Place Capital. We have a successful history of working together, and I look forward to replicating that success at Star Avenue Capital. I also look forward to taking a bit of time off. Oh, I know, a vacation already?! But it will be a working vacation. I am hoping to spend a month or two in the desert with Michael Fowke, writer and shaman extraordinaire. I feel this is the best way for me to prepare for the times ahead. A lot of deluded souls imagine the future times that will be coming are already here or already gone. No. The future times are yet to come. There's a clue in 'future', yeah? Michael also has an eye on the times to come, maybe even two eyes, maybe even his third eye, and it is something I will be discussing with him around the campfire on cold, lonely nights as the desert wind whips our faces. We'll probably sing songs to keep our morale up. We'll probably get really close. Bosom buddies, I should think.'

Dream on, mate. I shouldn't think at all, to be honest. It sounds a bit weird to me.