Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Oswald Grubel is a happy man

A very happy man. He's the UBS boss. So of course he is a happy man. UBS has just reported first quarter profits of £1.3 billion.

And I am a very happy man because I love to see banks making money.

Oh, you love to see banks making money!

Yes, I love to see banks making money. Any sane capitalist loves to see it. This is what we live for. The credit crunch will soon fade away.

Fade away ...

A horrible nightmare. Did it really happen?

Oh, it happened.

Were we really crunched?

Yes, we were crunched. But we survived! O Master, all the mystical children are praying for a glorious future. We want to be happy like Mr Grubel.

You should be happy already. What is wrong with you? Don't you believe?

We believe, but ...


But we can't be happy. We are full of fear.

I am happy.

Happy like Mr Grubel?

Yes, my child, happy like Mr Grubel. Let me quote the great Felix Dennis: 'You cannot banish fear, but you can face it down, stomp on it, crush it, bury it, padlock it into the deepest recesses of your heart and soul and leave it there to rot.'

Oh, did Mr Dennis really say that?

Yes! I wouldn't lie to you.

I will pass that on to all the mystical children.

You better. There is nothing to fear. We are going to die. But then we will live forever. On the astral plane. Money in our astral mouths. Forever. Burning. Forever. Lost in the sand.

And in the astral sky.

And in the astral sea.

Money is a game.

It is our game. Let's play!